I finally finished a knitting project. I made a hat. A hat big enough to fit on a human head. This is a monumental occasion for the entire family: one completely warm head; the end of my moaning over dropping infinite stitches; and, most importantly, one less set of knitting needles lying on the living room floor as an obstacle course for my partially blind father.
Since I learnt to knit and successfully completed a sock (read about that exciting little adventure here and here), I decided it was time to put my hand to a new skill – I have an incredibly short attention span; the fact I managed to complete a whole three year degree still amazes me. I am lucky enough to have one of those mums who can do anything, so I enlisted her to teach me to crochet (she is a brave lady).
I managed to persuade the boy that dressing up for Halloween as the Power Rangers with his friends would not be fun. It definitely would have been, but my need to not be lonely was far stronger than their need for a green Power Ranger. Is there even a green Power Ranger? Answers on a postcard please.
I persuaded him because I knew our time had come: couple’s costume. I could feel it in my bones. The world was finding ingenious and subtle ways to tell me that matching fancy dress was essential (obviously, by this I mean I was searching morning and night for ideas on Pinterest. Follow me here!)
I have had many a kitchen disaster, most of which have involved failed attempts at making bread. The last few times that I channelled Paul Hollywood, in particular, my creations didn’t rise (read about one such incident here). This is depressing to say the least (although not quite so much as when your devil-cat gets hold of your knitting and rips it to shreds… But that’s another story).
In the least boastful way possible, I really didn’t see where I’d gone wrong. I followed the instructions to a tee.
Well I’ve only gone and cracked what the MASSIVE issue was, haven’t I? Now, this is embarrassing. Let’s just say that I have learnt from my mistake and will no longer keep yeast for years in a cupboard above the oven/kettle where it gets ridiculously hot. Having bought new, un-tampered-with, yeast, my attempts have been a lot more successful. Funny that.
It turns out that freezer paper has nothing to do with freezers. Or if it does, that is not its most common use. I was bought a pack of this magical stuff from America, and after the initial disappointment of it having nothing to do with ice cream, fish fingers or other tasty frozen goods, I fell in love. Basically, freezer paper enables you to print on ANYTHING (within reason). Ok, so maybe I’m not printing on sunshine exactly, but I am printing on fabric, which is the next best thing. What lunacy that I have gone twenty-one years of my life never having had the appropriate equipment to print onto fabric using my standard, everyday printer. Since this life-changing discovery, I have definitely made up for lost time.
Yeah, that title makes it sound like I’ve been out partying every night, but truly, since graduating, it doesn’t excite me so much. And I get excited way too easily. I don’t think it’s particularly healthy that nowadays this excitement usually leads me to baking. The only silver lining I can grasp from this obvious mental problem that I have, is that when I’m inevitably overweight and riddled with health problems, I will continue to find joy in small things such as cats chasing things, cats purring and… well, just cats in general. OK, so it’s not looking good for my future. But, in the meantime, I will continue to seek happiness in kittens, cakes and partying in the kitchen. This leads me to the current love of my life: red velvet cake.
I’m knitting a sock. Singular. I have conclusive evidence that suggests that I am nowhere near grown-up enough yet to even contemplate making a whole pair.